Maldives Celebrating Independence Day of India?

The Maldivian High Commission in Malaysia sent an e-mail today about the new date for the postponed Independence Day celebrations. Is it a coincidence or an impending reality of our future integration with India, that the Independence Day celebration is on India's Independence Day, August 15? Besdies, we already have absorbed their culture from Bollywood and Kasauti series.

ހިންދު އެމާ ކަނޑު ތެރޭ، އަލި ރަން މުތް ހެން ދިރޭ، މީމަގޭ އުފަން ބިމޭ، ދީބު ދިވެހި މޭ

Disrespect by Name

The name Abdullah (عبد الله) can be (and is allowed to be) written full form in English (in Maldives) but not in Dhivehi (ޢަބްދު الله). Actually, it can be, but because of the utmost respect given to Allah (الله), Maldivian linguistic and religious authorities impose the use of its original Arabic form wherever it occurs.

However, it is a fond Maldivian culture to call people by nicknames or shortened pet names. In this case, Abdullah gets twisted to Abulho (އަބުޅޯ) or Alhlho (އައްޅޯ) or Allo (އައްލޯ) and are widely used in referring to people with the name. Clearly this is not in alignment with any form of respect; especially the use of Alhlho and Allo, which sounds like a grossly twisted form of precisely Allah.

How and where the respect lie in this two faced standard does intrigue me. And whether this is acceptable on the grounds that language goes hand-in-hand with culture and tradition.

Repentance Day

We the Mahiladiva people have a lot to be thankful for about today. But this is not the thanks giving day. Nor are there much to be thankful about. Today we remember how independent we are from the people who made us slaves to their will. And who are they? The Porched Geese, Mars Bars, Brishit, and last but also the least, an Ekkauvantha Zaeemu the Maai Manikufaanu.

Today we should repent the role we had in kicking his ass to the curb (Oprah speak) and why?

• Because we would rather let him grow roots deeper into Mahiladiva soil rather than attempt at a change for the better
• Because there can be only one Zaeemu
• Because he dresses smarter
• Because he lived in a palace, the way a true Zaeemu should
• Because a promise of plain land with no prospect of any housing funding is better than a set of flats
• Because God didn’t give us a brain and gave him one instead to think for us
• Because drug problems probably started only after he was ousted
• Because financial problems probably started only after he was ousted
• Because the corruption of the previous government can only be seen after he was ousted
  
• Because he is cuter than the present president
• Because we don’t know the difference between royal and republic
• Because we should thank him for creating a perfectly well planned island called Hululalamale’ out of thin air (sea breeze) and engineered an invisible bridge for us to travel there
  
• Because more desperate house wives support him
• Because we owe the current state of affairs of our beloved country to him
• Because he is the only citizen who is immune to the law
• Because liberty is for pussies
• Because he can provide us with a better religion than what we are actually following
• Because he can assure you that everything else is simply not true
  
• Because we want to wait and see the day that he finally gets elevated to a deity
• Because ignorance is bliss
• Because the truth is so tedious
• Because we don’t need independence

އަޅުގަޑުމެންނަށް މާތް ކަލާނގެ ދެއްވި ނިއުމަތެއްކަމަށްވާ މާތް ޒައީމުއެވެ. ޒައީމުއަށް ކުއްތަން ވުމަކީ އަޅަމެންނަށް ލެއްވި ވާޖިބެކެވެ. އަޅަމެނަށް ރިޒްގު ދެއްވާ، ކުށް އަފޫކުރައްވާ، ތެދުމަގު ދައްކަވާ އެއްކައުވަންތަ ލޯބިލޯބި ޒައާމަތުގެ އެއްކައުވަންތަ ޒައީމުއެވެ. ހުރި ހިތާމައެއްގެ ބޮޑުކަމާއެވެ. އަޅަމެން ދޫކޮއްލާ ދިޔައީއެވެ.

ތިޔައީ ޒައީމޭ އަދު އަޅުވެތިވި ރިވެތި ގައުމު ފަކުރުވެރިވާ،... ދެން ލަލަލާ

Maldives: Over one hundred people at risk of being Blogged

I saw this article reiterated by Hilath which gave a rather negative image of Maldives. Being the true tuna blooded, killi munching patriot that I am, all I could do was think about how this could have been slightly modified to give it a positive twist. So I replaced a few words here and there in the hopes of enhancing it. Words that I have changed (without use of any brackets) are coloured.

Maldives: Over one hundred people at risk of being Blogged

Amnesty Internet has learned that at least 180 people face being blogged in the Maldives as an upgrade for Twitter updates.

The vast majority of those who are blogged in the Maldives are women, even though both men and women can be recommended to blogging. The most up to date official statistics on blogging from the Department of Punch&Judy Admiration dates back to 2006 and shows that from a total of 184 people recommended to blogging in 2006, 146 were women.

Amnesty Internet is calling on the e-government of the Maldives to immediately stop this 1337 and downgrading upgrade.

Amnesty Internet has typed hilarious reports that an 18-year-old woman was blogged in public on July 5th. She typed 140 slashes after being accused of updating with two men on Twitter. Local journalists reported the woman clicked update after typing the slashes and was taken to MJA to receive media attention. <-- missing fullstop!

The woman, who was pregnant at the time of recommendation, had her upgrade deferred until after the birth of her child. The court ruled the woman’s pregnancy was proof of her fertility. The men involved in the case were cute.

“Amnesty Internet opposes blogging; it’s a kewl, 1337 and downgrading upgrade which is blocked by internet social networking protocol. The practice is lame and leads to collages as well as magical cars for those addicted to it for years. The diversity of the comments and flaming often means that microblogging is in fact a form of communication,” said Abbas Faiz, Amnesty Internet’s researcher on the Maldives.

The e-government of the Maldives is obliged to abolish blogging under the Internet social networking protocols it has signed up to such, as the Convention against Communication and its Optional Protocol.

“Under internet protocol the e-government must ensure that nobody is recommended to blogging and that the upgrade isn’t carried out against anyone,” said Abbas Faiz.

Amnesty Internet calls upon the e-government of the Maldives to impose an urgent consortium on blogging and for the upgrade to be ultimately abolished.

If you were to read the original article, you will notice how much improved and positive this is over the former.

It's a SIgN!

Maldivian Law was devised to impose war against signatures.

Under the Article 3, Chapter 2 of the Law governing Official Kanthahthah, all documents shall be written in a legible and beautiful matter. Sweet! And it should have both the Hijri and Gregorian calendar dates. Fine! And the signature on it shall be in Thaana or Arabic or the language used in the document, and thus, most signatures made on the official documents by the ignorant Maldivians are illegal. WTF?

Or else, they gonna get legal on your ass under Article Haa, Article 88 or the Penile Code - which is jail, exile or house arrest of up to 6 months or a fine of up to MRf 150/-.

Does the idiot who wrote that piece of crap into the Law have any idea what a signature is or means? Can that person differentiate between a signature and a person’s name? Was the nincompoop enjoying a glass of McDowell’s Signature Rare when this was formulated?

Alright, so you got me there. All my official documents including my passport and national registration card have been deemed instantly void by this piece of legal mumbo jumbo. My ignorance. But WTF did the government officials accept this all along?

But why stop at just that? Why does the Law also not specify the font typeface to be used and whether it should be TrueType or OpenType? Can we use bold or italics? Which colour pens can be used? Ball point or felt or fountain pen? Can the person sign using either right or left hand? Can the signature be performed while standing or lying on a bed? How much pressure should be used? What is the legal length to breadth ratio? Which angle of alleviation is acceptable? Can we use dotted Thaana notations? Should we use vowels forms when signing in Arabic just in case a moronic Maldivian government official is unable to read it correctly? Can we draw pretty flowers on it? What is the correct spelling of Achmed in Thaana?

But hey, other lawyers have a difference in opinion. The person thinks that apparently the idiots who wrote the must have had something else in mind when they wrote it. I hope we don’t get into another bout of trying to interpret what some guy said ages ago.

Why doesn’t the government just do away with the signature and get the people to simply write their name at the bottom? What other purpose is a signature meant fulfill anyway?

Drink Urine

Celebrating the establishment of a closed loop water recycling system aboard the ISS, the astronauts drank water recycled from waste and ambient moisture.

In a Maldivian perspective, that sorta undermines the high impact value of the four-letter equivalent of the Maldivian profanity “drink urine”.

From a religious perspective, one may wonder if it is Halaal or WWJD or how other parts of the world see it.

In a movie enthusiast’s perspective, Kevin Costner already been there done that ages ago.

And once people begin to realise that the water they drink contains molecules from the urines/excreta of people and also other animals and plants and not some miracle water from the sky, and possibly accept it as fact, we might even start to see [your favourite brand] marketting bottled recycled urine in the future. And what more, it would cut down the cost on “mineralising” it too.

And to think, this was such a simple solution to shortages in the world’s most precious resource.

Bottoms up y’all. Drink to your health.

What grown-ups should know about their kids hacking

I was browsing around and happened to find this gem of an article titled “Is Your Son a Computer Hacker?” on the website Adequacy - News for grown-ups.

Besides ranting about how he is an enlightened, modern role model of a parent, he talks about how to identify possible hacking activities.

• He claims that Flash is a hacker tool.
• And that AMD chips are inferior, security disabled copies of American chips made by third world countries using child labour in sweatshops.
• And that "Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly and "The Cathedral and the Bazaar" by Eric S. Raymond are hacker manuals.
• And that spending more than 30 minutes on a computer means that the kid is DOSing others by accessing the command prompt of other computers.
• And that Quake is an online meeting place for hackers.
• And that BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system made by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. And that the only way to remove Lunix is by replacing the hard disk because it cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
• And that hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors.

And a lot more ...

With this kind of profiling the law enforcement authorities won’t have a problem finding hackers. All I could do was ROTFLMAO! But on a serious note, it is not hard to find people with similar views who would base their conclusions on such understandings.

It does look like a parody site as the rest of the articles show the same trends. But it did remind me of the time when people used to say that #kotari was a channel in mIRC which stood for Maldives Internet Relay Chat.

Ignorance... is bliss.

Journo Maths for Sensationalism

I was reading this news article today and it was kinda one that hinges on sensationalism that journalism sometimes portray and people drool about. And I just couldn’t figure out how the maths in this worked. Maybe this is a sign that Maldives is gearing up to combat the economic recession?

half a million (ބައި މިލިޔަން ރުފިޔާ) = fifty thousand (ފަންސާސް ހާސް ރުފިޔާ)

Maybe someone could explain it to me? Preferably in laymen terms, using less than 200 words?

Wash-your-mouth-with-soap After Reading

So I was tinkering with python while watching this movie, Burn After Reading. I was amazed at the amount of profanity that was stuffed into a movie of this length. And you know what happens when we get curious about statistics in such movies while in a coding. mind frame Used the following piece of code to get an idea of how potty mouthed this movie really was.

m@windows:~$ python -c "import re; import urllib; print '\tDuration: %s\n\t%s' % (''.join(re.findall('<div[^>]*?>[\s\S]*?Runtime\:[\s\S]*?[\s]+?(.*?)[\s]+?<\/div>', urllib.urlopen('http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887883/').read(), re.IGNORECASE)), ', '.join(['%s: %d' % (p, len(re.findall(p, ''.join(re.findall('<pre>([\s\S]*?)<\/pre>', urllib.urlopen('http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Burn-After-Reading.html').read(), re.IGNORECASE)), re.IGNORECASE))) for p in ('fuck', 'shit')]))"

    Duration: 96 min
    fuck: 68, shit: 23

That’s like being bombarded with profanity at the rate of a four letter word per minute on average - and that’s just considering only 2 such words!

Never-the-less, loved the stupid smile on Pitt’s face right before he gets shot point blank in the forehead by Clooney.

Phallic Banking

Driving along the Kuala Lumpur roads, I noticed these rather inappropriate (well, I think they are NSFW) symbologies on the roadside. Like rows and rows of it, like they own the road or something. Of course, it turned out to be an advert for a bank.

Wikipedia describes the Al-Rajhi Bank as:

the world's largest Islamic bank, and a major investor in Saudi Arabia's business world

So, what exactly is a phallus doing on the logo of such an auspicious financial institute? I wonder what the people who approved the logo were thinking! Maybe the initial plan was to develop this into a sperm bank?

And another thing - in Arabic, “al” means “the”. So, when we say “The Al-Rajhi Bank”, we are effectively saying “The The Rajhi Bank”. Perhaps if they translate that back into Arabic, it could become something like, “Al The Al-Rajhi Bank”. And so on and so forth. Hmm... foreign languages.